Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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