Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
