my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
