Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
