It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
