If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
