Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
