he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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