So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
