he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
