Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Are we still banned from the library?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
