even my farts smell like vagina
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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