hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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