I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
