In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
