I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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