my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
