You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
