making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
