chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
accomplished twins. life is a go
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
