Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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