he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's shark week go big or go home
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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