i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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