it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
