Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
