On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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