captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
