im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
