It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
