He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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