i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
