He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
