I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
