just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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