I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
