I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
