i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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