I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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