these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
