He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
