so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
