Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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