I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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