Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
