The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
