I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
