You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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