I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I wear drunk well.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
