you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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