I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
