connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
