I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
