Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
