ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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