Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
