Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
