"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
this is an emotional support booty call
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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